Bonus Post: I work at the ice cream sandwich factory

My friend was over the other night, and she's a first year physiotherapy student. She was using my sister and me as test subjects for her interviews. The resulting transcript is more or less the exchange between my poor friend (J) and my sister (M). We couldn't stop laughing the entire time. For the record, they get along really well and have known each other for years. (My sister was adamant that last bit went in so everyone knows she wasn't harassing J. Which she was.) Enjoy. 

J - Good evening, I'm a first year physio student from the university. What would you like me to call you?
M - Your Excellency. 
J - Okay. Nice to meet you, Your Excellency. 
M - I also answer to Ma'am or Batman. 
J - ...
M - Or M. 
J - Alright, M, what have you come in for today?
M - Well, I have heel pain and it hurts and gets really inflamed. 
J - Alright, how long has this been happening for?
M - 8 years. Wait, no, a month. No, 8 years. 
J - And do you do any sports? 
M - Yeah, I play soccer. My heels really hurt after that. 
J - Okay, and does anything else hurt? 
M - Yeah, my knees. Look, I have lumps on my knees. 
J - Have you been taking any medication? 
M - Yes, Panadol. No, Neurofen. What should I be taking? Panadol, I've been taking Panadol. 
J - And have you had any medical conditions or trauma I should know about? 
M - Well, I was skiing once and I hit a tree. That hurt a lot. 
(It was at about this point where I was laughing so hard that I choked on my bubble tea and had to run to the sink to spit it out.)
J - Can you describe the pain in your heels for me?
M - When I hit the tree?
J - No, just normally. 
M - Sharp, stabbing, almost like a spasm. 
J - Thanks for telling me these things. 
M - No problem.
J - Anything else you need to tell me?
M - I've got all three diabetes. I've got a list of all the things wrong with me. Everything's gotten worse after the skiing accident. 
J - Alright... has the pain you've been experiencing gotten worse?
M - Yes. 
J - Right, you've got arthritis. Have you had any surgery?
M -Yes, my eyes. It was from hitting the tree. 
J - What kind of surgery did you have?
M - Prefrontal cortex. The tree went right through my eye. I can't see out of my left eye. I had brain surgery as well. 
J - Alright, with your heels and knees do you experience any stiffness?
M - No. 
J - Any allergies? 
M - A mild allergy to cats, dogs, horses, cows. 
J - Well, we don't have any cows in the office today. We're trying to cut down. Do you have any family history of medical conditions? 
M - No. Wait. Yes, my Mom has arthritis in her thumbs and neck. 
J - Which type? 
M - Painful. 
J - Rheumatoid or osteo? 
M - Osteo
J - Why did you say that? 
M - 50/50 chance. 
J - Oh. As for your lifestyle, so you said you play soccer-
M - TV show fanatic.
J - Do you have a job?
M - Yes. No. Yes, I do. I work at the ice cream sandwich factory. 
J - Does that bring on any pain?
M - Yes, I bend down all the time to pick the ice cream off the floor and it hurts my left foot, so I squat on my right leg to avoid using my left. Squat? Fold? Squat, I squat. 
J - Back to the pain-
M - Sometimes I have really short seizures. Does that have anything to do with it? I had a stick in my eye for a whole week because we couldn't get in to see a surgeon. 
J - Back to your heel pain.
M - I've forgotten about my heel pain actually.
J - Can you rate your pain on a scale of 0-10?
M - On a scale of like watching TV to hitting a tree, probably like a 6, but I'm sitting down.
J - What about after exercise? 
M - Like an 8.3. 
J - Perfect. Did you actually hit a tree?
M - Nah, I'm a great skier.