Dear Magpies, a letter

Dear Magpies,

I think it's time we sat down and had a chat about your ridiculous behaviour lately. I understand that you swoop innocent bystanders like myself because you are trying to protect your nest, but seriously, guys! I'm not going to climb the tree, grab your children and dash them to the ground because I'm mean and spiteful. I just want to get to work on time.

I understand you think it's funny to attack me while I'm biking on my merry way, but I find it less funny, especially when I crash into a handrail in an effort to get away from you. It was even less funny when my chain slipped off and when my front brakes broke. Do you know what was even less funny? Getting swooped, again, when a kind passerby helped me fix my bike. It wasn't terribly funny when I had to avoid smearing blood and/or bike grease over my beautiful, gorgeous, brand new and now broken bike. 

You guys terrify me. I hate seeing your shadow as it bomb dives my face, mostly because you want to destroy me and everything I love. Why? Just why? We could have been best pals, you know.

I'm sure you can understand why I lost my temper and threw some sticks at you. I would have preferred if you could have at least allowed me to hit you instead of ducking out of the way. I didn't even know birds could duck. You couldn't have least flew away and let me feel better, right? Instead, it only served to make me feel stupid. Plus, I was twenty minutes late to work and had to endure the teasing at home.

So please, get your behaviour under control.

Sincerely,
Victoria