Tuesday, 25 August 2015

4 preservation instincts that have been engraved onto my brain

Living in Canada and Australia has taught me a few things about staying alive. Granted, I've never met someone with a gun or had to use my non-existent knowledge of karate to get out of a tight spot, but still. I've learned something (and I am passing my knowledge onto you, because I am awesome (obviously)). 

1) When going into a bathroom, check the corners of the ceiling and the floor. This is to avoid having a surprise visitor when you least expect it, such as a massive huntsman spider (which is another story). If you know what's in there before going in, you're less likely to get into a sticky situation that even Spider-Man would have a hard time getting you out of. Why a bathroom especially? Bathrooms are small. They have drains and air vents. There's little room for you to get out, and lots of ways for stuff to get in. Other rooms, you typically have a lot more room to throw yourself out the door/window/wall. A quick scan will save your life, people, that's all I'm saying. 


THIS THING FREAKS ME OUT EVERY TIME!!!

2) When running on any surface, brace yourself to slide around and possibly slip on the ice. I was running into the house the other day - this was in Australia, by the way - and I raced up to the front door. We have tile in our front entrance, and unconsciously I slowed down and braced myself to slip on the non-existent ice. Seriously. My body went "Ah, the tile may be black but the ice is clear! Don't slip!" and my brain went "You idiot, how long have you lived in Australia for?" but I slowed down anyways. In Canada, not slipping on ice is Survival 101. I didn't realize how much this one was engraved on my mind until this happened. 

3) Do not diss sports teams of any kind. Don't. Just, don't.

4) Do not go racing through the woods unless you want to die a scary and/or painful death. This one is sort of true in Canada, but more so in Australia. In Canada, all you have to worry about are bears, cougars and wolves, and, come on, how many of those are out there? I've seen two bears in my entire life, and one of them had a permanent place on our garage wall for years. Still, caution is recommended. But in Australia? EVERYTHING CAN KILL YOU. Kangaroos, wasps, grass (it hides snakes), bugs the size of your fist (more or less), trees (full of biting green ants and who knows what else), nooks and crannies (spiders, snakes), koalas (you thought they were cute, did you?), the wide open space between the house and the fence (spiders are very good at making huge webs), [insert whatever you could possibly think of]. I am amazed that the population of Australia hasn't died out by now. Oh yeah, and that's not including the ocean (sharks, jellyfish, drowning, riptides, getting smashed against the rocks) or the outback (dehydration, starvation, heat stroke, snakes, getting trampled by cattle) or the city (murder, kidnapping, etc. (although the cities here actually aren't that bad from what I've seen)) or the weather (cyclones, floods, droughts). 



I'm sure there are about 50 million things
that can kill you in this picture.

If, however, you are planning on coming to Canada or Australia, I would recommend not freaking out. A lot of this post was (slightly) exaggerated, and as long as you don't do anything stupid you (probably) won't die a horrible death.

What are some survival instincts you've picked up? 

9 comments:

  1. Batman All The Way25 August 2015 at 18:17

    My survival instincts usually consist of staying inside.

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    1. Batman All The Way29 August 2015 at 07:28

      Yeah, but sealing the house and never going out again...

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  2. College survival skills:
    -Being able to hear a bike approaching behind you and dodging it appropriately
    -Instant response to the school cheer when initiated
    -Having one item of school-colored clothing with you at all times
    -Listening to the feeling that tells you when you aren't done with homework and rushing through the assignment you forgot about while making it look halfway decent.

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    Replies
    1. Wow, college is a battlefield. I would be awful at the bike one, I think I would be constantly run over. Thanks for commenting!

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  3. That spider picture. *shudders* But I totally feel your pain. In Africa, it was pretty much the same--we had to check the grass and the shadows and the trees for green mambas. (My sister and I played on a porch one day, and the next day we found a mother mamba with her little nest of babies.) We had to watch out for Tsetse flies and mosquitoes because both could kill you. We had to be wary of eating any scary germs. A man in our compound was shot by a burglar shortly before we moved in, and we had to have special bags packed in case guerillas attacked and we needed to make a quick getaway into the bush. Great fun.

    I can just imagine what might happen if you were to insult a sports team. *shudders*

    I think my biggest survival skill would be karate, actually. :P I'm a black belt, so I have to be really careful when someone startles me. A girl hugged me around the neck once, and I just barely managed to stop myself from breaking her arm. Good times.

    Anyway, great post!

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    1. Yep. It's awful.

      AND YOU WERE PLAYING NEAR A MAMBA AND YOU HAD TO BE AFRAID OF MOSQUITOES!?!?!?!?! In other words, I am terribly interested about your life in Africa. You must do a post about it!

      Hahaha, yeah, do not insult sports. They have arguments about which is better, AFL or NRL, then they turn to me to ask which is better and I have to admit that I don't know the difference. :/

      I would love to know karate, but for the sake of everyone else I decided that I was better off in bed. I wouldn't want to overwhelm them with my awesome power or anything :) And good for you for getting a black belt!!

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  4. Rainbow Magic Fairy29 August 2015 at 20:24

    Hi Victoria,

    I have an edition to 1) Also check for snakes coming out of the ceiling fan... they are a bit easier to spot but definitely harder to get away from :)

    Anyway... AWESOME blog!!!

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    Replies
    1. Hahaha, yes, those can be a bit tricky to escape from... I would recommend smashing through the wall and running to NZ. SERIOUSLY HOW DID THAT EVEN HAPPEN?!?! Thanks for commenting, Rainbow Magic Fairy! ;)

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