Why I am a LGBTQ-affirming Christian
(Trigger warning: mentions of suicide)
I didn't want to write this post. I didn't want to even think about it, to be honest. Whenever this topic comes up in real life I get flustered and upset and can't explain my ideas and reasonings properly. There's too many emotions involved. Hopefully a blog post, where I can sit down and take my time to explain my ideas, will go better. (Thanks to Abby @ Hot Air Balloon Press for inspiring this essay, please go read her excellent post before reading this one.)
I didn't want to write this post. I didn't want to even think about it, to be honest. Whenever this topic comes up in real life I get flustered and upset and can't explain my ideas and reasonings properly. There's too many emotions involved. Hopefully a blog post, where I can sit down and take my time to explain my ideas, will go better. (Thanks to Abby @ Hot Air Balloon Press for inspiring this essay, please go read her excellent post before reading this one.)
A few disclaimers. One, I'm going to talk about real experiences I've had with people, good and bad. I'm not calling you out, and chances are that if this topic has come up between us then I trust and love you. Two, I'm going to use the word 'gay' or 'queer' in place of LGBTQ because it's easier and simplifies this post. I am including any trans, asexual, bisexual, non-binary, etc. people in this post. Three, I am not gay. This isn't a coming out post. However, just because it is not my problem doesn't mean that it is not a problem. Four, if you chose to comment (and I would encourage you to) then please remember that a wide range of people read my blog, including Christians, queer people, and queer Christians. Think about what you say, please. Five, I'm not a Biblical scholar. This is my own attempt to wrap my head around a major issue that I've come up against time and time again. I've tried my best to get good sources. Also, I could write a whole book on this (and people have) so I've had to leave things out for brevity's sake.
*cracks knuckles* Buckle up, this is going to be a long post.
PART 1 - THE TECHNICAL
One of the things that inevitably comes up when I mention that I am LGBTQ-affirming are the Bible verses that say Being Gay is a Sin. Let's look at these in detail. (Obviously you can pull up almost any Bible verse and twist it to suit your viewpoints but these seem to be the main ones.)1
Sodom and Gomorrah, the two cities which were destroyed because they were running rampant with gay people. Or not?
I've always read the story of Sodom and Gomorrah as a warning against homosexuality, and it was only recently brought to my attention that maybe it wasn't homosexuality that God was angry about, but the attempted gang rape. Besides, Ezekiel 16:49-50 says, "Sodom’s sins were pride, gluttony, and laziness, while the poor and needy suffered outside her door. She was proud and committed detestable sins, so I wiped her out, as you have seen." Nothing about homosexuality there. (Also, the whole "have my virgin daughters instead" thing? Why is that not brought up? And when it is it's just "cultural differences that don't apply to today's world" but we have to adhere to the anti-gay rhetoric?)
If you don't care enough to click through to the verses, basically they say a 'man shall not lie with another man'. It's important that we consider the context, as the Old Testament's idea of a gay relationship was worlds away from our modern idea of a gay relationship.
During the times of the Old Testament, sleeping with another dude was an act of worship to foreign gods, not a loving, faithful, relationship between partners. In Greek times, "gay" people (the Greeks didn't have words and distinctions like we do today) were prostitutes, "the so-called "dogs" of the Canaanite shrines, and the eunuch followers of the goddess Cybele".2 It was similar with the Canaanites and Egyptians surrounding ancient Israel, who (as part of their religion) would have all kinds of sexy times (think incest and homosexual sex) in order to receive blessings from their gods (specifically the goddess of love and fertility, Astarte/Ishtar).3 (See 1 Kings 14:24 and 1 Kings 22:46.) It was a form of worshiping foreign gods, so of course God wasn't interested in His people taking part.
Even if a same-sex relationship wasn't a form of idolatry, it still barely resembles the standard definition of a same-same relationship from today.4 5 Some suggest that David and Jonathan were probably in a homosexual relationship, but they were also both (very likely) married to women. In Ye Olden Times, you were married to a woman because you needed to have children, and maybe you could hang out with your male companion on the side. After all, "... it was not a way of life. For the average man, it was something he did"2. How can we apply rules for an entirely different way of living to our society today, hurting people and turning them away from God in the process?
Again, these verses are not talking about a loving, responsible relationship between two of-age gay people.6 In Roman culture, homosexuality was a) a form of idolatry and b) considered an excess of lust.5 In other words, if your wife didn't fulfil your lust then a man could search out a male prostitute and get his fulfilment there.
Not only that, but homosexual relationships were often between a grown man and a boy.7 Not okay. NOT OKAY.
Finally, what's this "against nature" thing about? "Unnatural in these passages does not refer to violation of so-called laws of nature, but rather implies action contradicting one's own nature. In view of this, we should observe that it is "unnatural," para physin, for a person today with a lesbian or gay sexual orientation to attempt living a heterosexual lifestyle".5 I believe this verse is talking about straight men "leaving the natural use of the woman, [burning] in their lust one toward another".8 If being gay is "natural", then dangit leave queer people alone.9
PART 2 - THE ETHICAL
If you're a Christian, there are typically three perspectives you can take in regards to the queer community. A) Being gay is a sin and all gay people are going to Hell, we need to put queer people through conversion therapy and if they pray hard enough they can become straight. You cannot be Christian and gay. (Please note, I do not agree with everything in that last link but it is an important video to watch.) B) Being gay is a sin but so is pride and jealousy, and maybe instead of focusing on other people's sins we can love them and work on our own issues. C) Being gay is not a sin and queer people can live their lives like any other straight person. (I know I've simplified things, but please just go along with me.)
I think it's fair to say that I have personally been all three, but more on that later. For now, let's talk about these perspectives one by one.
A) Look, if you sit in this camp then please understand that I still love you and God still loves you, but your perspective is literally killing people. The end. People I love very dearly think like this and I doubt they have any idea of the severely negative impact this has on the queer community.
Conversion therapy is wrong and kills people.10 We can talk non-consensual conversion therapy (like in South Africa where from the 1950s-1990s gay conscripts were forced through conversion therapy, and when that didn't work they were given sexual reassignment surgery against their will) or "voluntary" conversion therapy that often results in suicide and mental health issues. According to the American Psychiatric Association (2002) “In the last four decades, ‘reparative’ therapists have not produced any rigorous scientific research to substantiate their claims of cure.”
Not only that, but "compared with LGBTQ young people who were not rejected or were only a little rejected by their parents and caregivers because of their gay or transgender identity, highly rejected LGBTQ young people were: 8 times more likely to attempt suicide, 6 times more likely to report high levels of depression, 3 times more likely to use illegal drugs, and 3 times more likely to be at high risk of AIDS or STDs".11 Homosexuality is also punishable by death in many regions to this day.
Stop punishing people for being who they are. Being gay is not a choice, no more than having blue eyes or brown hair.12 Sure, I can put in contacts and dye my hair purple but that doesn't change who I am. You say you can't be queer and Christian? I say you can't hate people and contribute to systems that cause their suffering and be Christian. I'll say it again; being gay is not a choice. Homophobia is.
This perspective is needlessly tearing apart families, destroying lives, and driving people away from God. We are ending up with a lot of dead kids, and that's on you. I hope you're able to see that from up on your high horse.
B) Abby did a much better job than I ever could on this topic, so again please read her post here. (Please note I'm not calling Abby out, especially because her post was one of the sweetest things I've read in a long time.) To summarise, Abby says that while being gay is a sin, so is pride, jealousy, and selfishness, and if gay people aren't hurting people then leave them alone and work on correcting your own sin. I know quite a few people who fall into this camp and they're all terribly conflicted and heartbroken, because God is good and sin is not so where do gay people fit into this mess? Can we ask queer people to resist a "sin" that's been coded into their DNA? Can we ask people to leave loving relationships? To leave marriages?
It's hard grappling with your faith and the challenges it often presents. I don't blame anyone who thinks this way, because it's how we're taught to think. As Christians we shouldn't be mean to people, but also we can't accept people for their sin.
Here's my problem with that.
After doing research I am quite happy to say that I don't think the Bible states that modern queer relationships are inherently sinful. (See part 1.) Therefore, I see no issue with queer people.
However, even if I'm totally wrong about the Bible (which is always possible), I also disagree with this way of thinking. Allow me to explain. Let's take the focus off queer people for a second and talk about women. The Bible is "very clear" that women are designed to serve men and are secondary citizens (if you take things at face value and don't contextualise Scripture). (ie Genesis 2:18, Ephesians 5:22, 1 Timothy 2:12.) Obviously, we cannot allow women to have equal rights to men because it's un-Biblical and sinful, but we also don't hate women. After all, Jesus didn't hate anyone, He responded to their sin with love and forgiveness. Besides, you can't help being born a woman so of course women are allowed in our places of worship, in our schools, in our homes. However, they can't teach or have authority over men (including being pastors). They have to help men reach their spiritual potential and submit to their husbands in everything. We love women, but we can't encourage them in their sin of being a woman.
Obviously it's not a perfect analogy, but I hope you get where I'm going with this.
We should not have the power to say that slavery is not okay or that women and men should have equal rights because those verses are taken out of context, all the while pointing our fingers at the queer community. People have used the Bible to "protect the sanctity of marriage" by prohibiting interracial marriage, to condone slavery, to refuse women rights. How is using the Bible to oppress the LGBTQ community any different?
Could you imagine being treated like this because of something you can't control, that you can't chose? Being "accepted" in megachurches but not being allowed to serve because of your sexuality? Being asked to go to conversion therapy because who you are (who God made you to be) is inherently sinful, but it's okay because we tolerate you?
And let's talk about tolerance for a second. People tend to frame tolerance as a great thing. Look, my church tolerates gay people! We are a tolerant workplace! Tolerance isn't acceptance. It's gritting your teeth and allowing people to exist in your space without ever fully accepting them. It's saying you can stay here as long as you don't step out of line, as long as you keep quiet about your experiences. Tolerance is saying you can come as long as you keep your head down. I don't ever want to be tolerated, no matter where I am. I want to be accepted, and I'm sure you do too.
No matter how much we keep our eyes on our own sin, no matter how much we tolerate queer people, there's always going to be that division that says you aren't as good as I am because of who you are. And maybe, just maybe, tolerance is another way of saying I do not understand you, and thus on some level I fear you. And, as we all know, fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate.
And hate leads to suffering.
C) This is where I sit, after a long and difficult journey. We support LGBTQ+ people in their relationships, in their identities, in their spiritual journey fully and openly. The end.
PART 3 - THE PERSONAL
I didn't become an LGBTQ-affirming Christian overnight. My faith is very important to me and I felt like I had to chose between my faith and not actively harming a huge portion of the population. This came with reading and praying and reflection over the course of almost five years.
It's not easy, I'm well aware.
Now, I can hear you all furiously typing away at your keyboards, ready to let me know that you're a B Christian but it's okay, because despite my above points you have never hurt anyone with your beliefs. As long as you make it clear that you and Jesus love that person it's all okay, right? No one gets hurt.
Wanna bet?
One of my bisexual friends was dragged across the kitchen by her hair when she came out.
Kids my age kill themselves because they were told this world had no place for them.
I once helped a couple at work (when I was working in a pharmacy) who were afraid to ask for medical advice for their child because their child was trans.
I once told a gay friend of my why I like to hug people so much (it's because I have depression and need the oxytocin boost) and he replied by saying that he avoided hugging people for years because it reminded him of what he could never have.
Queer people are people. They aren't statistics, they aren't scary rainbow people hiding in bushes ready to tackle straight people. Anywhere from 5-10% of people are gay (depending on which statistic you look at) (and that's just gay people, there's also bisexual and pansexual and asexual and transgender and nonbinary and literally so many others who aren't included in that number). If you work in an office of ten people, chances are one of them are queer. A classroom of twenty people? Statistically, two of them are gay. (A church of 200 people? Statistically you should have 20 queer people, but I'm willing to be you've driven them out before you could have ever hit that number.) These people are your neighbours, your bosses, your family members. They sit in your pews and make up the statistics of people who have tried (or succeeded in) killing themselves because they were told they are inherently sinful. They are people.
It's time to start treating them as such.
BUT WAIT!
But wait, Victoria, you can't just explain verses away, that's cherry picking! If you start twisting the Bible to fit your own perspective then that's slippery slope and you could justify any behaviour! We have to take God's Word as-is, no questions asked.
Okay, yes. Except no? Hear me out, because oooh boy there are some pretty terrible Bible verses out there.
1 Timothy 2:12 - “I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent.”
1 Samuel 15:3 - “This is what the Lord Almighty says... ‘Now go and strike Amalek and devote to destruction all that they have. Do not spare them, but kill both man and woman, child and infant, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.’”
1 Peter 2:18 - “Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the cruel.”
Christians explain verses like those away all the time, and I've heard a few sermons on why we have thrown those verses out, for lack of a better phrase. (That, however, is a whole other blog post and I'd highly recommend doing your own research into those verses.) It was a different time, different culture, written to a specific group of people, and just because Peter said slavery was okay and Paul said women should be silent doesn't mean that we adhere to that today. Slavery is not okay. Women should have equal rights with men. Is that cherry picking? Is that twisting Bible verses to suit my own perspectives? Maybe it is, but if it's acceptable to twist those specific verses then why the hell can't I twist others when it would have a hugely positive effect on the queer community?
If you take God's Word, translated from language to language to language, written over thousands of years, translated by people with agendas (the word 'homosexual' didn't appear in the Bible until the 1940s and the King James Version was translated to ensure it conformed to the Church of England's ideologies), written from the perspectives of entirely different peoples and cultures and worlds from our own, if you take every word at face value, you're going to run into issues, and I believe this is one of them.
If you take God's Word, translated from language to language to language, written over thousands of years, translated by people with agendas (the word 'homosexual' didn't appear in the Bible until the 1940s and the King James Version was translated to ensure it conformed to the Church of England's ideologies), written from the perspectives of entirely different peoples and cultures and worlds from our own, if you take every word at face value, you're going to run into issues, and I believe this is one of them.
But wait, Victoria, you didn't present both sides to make a fair and even argument! Yep. You're right. One, because this is already a long post, and two, because I'm sure we all know the other side to this argument by now.
But wait, Victoria, shouldn't we uphold the Biblical definition of marriage? One man, one woman? Well, my friend, that is not a Biblical marriage.13 A Biblical marriage is man + woman, or man + woman + concubine/s, or man + woman + woman + woman, or man + woman + slave, or man + woman + woman's property, or man + brother's widow, or rapist + victim, or male soldier + prisoner of war. If you're going to advocate for a Biblical man + woman marriage because it's Biblical, then you should also probably argue for man + woman + concubine as well.
But wait, Victoria, once I met a queer person and they were mean/weird/different and now I don't like queer people! *shows door*
But wait, Victoria, as a straight person I don't understand homosexuality/trans people/queer people/gay sex/the queer community/non-binary people so therefore it must be wrong because it's unnatural! Okay, one, that is a massive leap in logic from 'I don't understand' to 'it's unnatural' (and I've heard people make these leaps before). Two, thanks for your input Karen but just because I don't understand how my car's engine works doesn't mean that my Toyota runs on black magic. It's called empathy, or rational ignorance if you want to get fancy.
But wait, Victoria, Jesus sai- No, Jesus said absolutely nothing about homosexuality. The end. (One could argue that Matthew 19:5-6 presents a one man one woman case for marriage, but again, our modern queer relationships did not exist at that point in time. Besides, if you read further to Matthew 19:11-12 Jesus says that what he said doesn't actually apply to everyone.)
But wait, Victoria, having gay parents is bad for children! No, it's not.14
But wait, Victoria, it's the gay lifestyle I hate, not the gays! First of all, using the term "the gays" is derogatory and rude. Second of all, the whole 'love the sinner hate the sin' stuff is absolute garbage and should never be applied when talking about someone's sexuality/gender identity. Ignoring the earlier points I made about how being gay isn't actually sinful, you are labelling a queer person as a sinner because of their sexual/gender orientation. It's an Us vs Them mentality that shames queer people for acting on their basic human instincts for love, expression of sexuality, and deep, meaningful relationships. This isn't love. This is hate masquerading as love.
Again, back to my example with women. Can you imagine someone saying to a woman that "I love you, I just hate that you're a woman"? A person's sexual/gender identity is an intrinsic part of who they are. Saying you hate their lifestyle is literally saying you hate them. Besides, I have already established that being gay doesn't hurt anyone. You are not God. You don't get to judge other people and decide if their "sin" is worth hating or not, especially if it's not hurting anyone. If you're going to hate sin, hate your own sin.
But wait, Victoria, gay people cheat on each other and have pre-marital sex! Um, yes, so do straight people, so your point is?
But wait, Victoria, having gay parents is bad for children! No, it's not.14
But wait, Victoria, it's the gay lifestyle I hate, not the gays! First of all, using the term "the gays" is derogatory and rude. Second of all, the whole 'love the sinner hate the sin' stuff is absolute garbage and should never be applied when talking about someone's sexuality/gender identity. Ignoring the earlier points I made about how being gay isn't actually sinful, you are labelling a queer person as a sinner because of their sexual/gender orientation. It's an Us vs Them mentality that shames queer people for acting on their basic human instincts for love, expression of sexuality, and deep, meaningful relationships. This isn't love. This is hate masquerading as love.
Again, back to my example with women. Can you imagine someone saying to a woman that "I love you, I just hate that you're a woman"? A person's sexual/gender identity is an intrinsic part of who they are. Saying you hate their lifestyle is literally saying you hate them. Besides, I have already established that being gay doesn't hurt anyone. You are not God. You don't get to judge other people and decide if their "sin" is worth hating or not, especially if it's not hurting anyone. If you're going to hate sin, hate your own sin.
But wait, Victoria, gay people cheat on each other and have pre-marital sex! Um, yes, so do straight people, so your point is?
But wait, Victoria, HIV/AIDS! Yes, that is a problem. But it's also a problem with straight people.15 Also, women are more likely to be diagnosed with breast cancer, does that mean women are inherently bad?
But wait, Victoria, gay love isn't real love! I dare you to watch this video, to go through this lady's YouTube channel, and stick by that statement.
But wait, Victoria, being gay is a sin and absolutely nothing you say can convince me otherwise! In that case, fine. I understand. I once believed that being gay was a sin and to even question otherwise was questioning God's purpose for humanity. I'm sorry you continue to see that way, and I pray that one day your heart softens. In your case, I would like to redirect you to Abby's post, which is brilliant if you're coming from that point of view. (Please note that while this is a response post to Abby, I have also gone on a bit of a tangent from her original post and I am aware of that.)
CONCLUSION
This isn't a typical blog post of mine. It's long with footnotes and links and, in case you didn't pick up from the tone, it's angry. I'm angry that there is so much needless suffering, that people will contextualise some parts of Scripture but not others, that oppressing an entire group of people has somehow become okay.
This is a tricky topic, I am well aware. There's too many emotions, too much history, too much pain involved. I honestly don't know where to go from here, only that I pray somehow we can all manage to see the humanity in each other. Because at the end of the day, we're all fallible, we're all children of God, and we're all human.
And finally, to all my queer brothers and sisters. God loves you. You are exactly how He made you to be. I love you. And if anyone tells you any differently then that's on them, not you.
And finally, to all my queer brothers and sisters. God loves you. You are exactly how He made you to be. I love you. And if anyone tells you any differently then that's on them, not you.
1, What Does the Bible Say About Homosexuality? 12 Scripture Verses About Gay Marriage by Mic, 2013↩
2 Horner, T. 1978, Jonathan Loved David: Homosexuality in Biblical Times, Westminster Press, Philadelphia↩
3 A literary-historical and sociological analysis of Hebrew qades-qadesim by Phyllis A. Bird, published in the Vetus Testamentum, 66 ↩
4 Would Jesus Discriminate↩
5 Eastman, D. 1990, Homosexuality; Not a Sin, Not a Sickness↩
6 Ciampa R. 2011, The Terms of Translation: Ideological Challenges for Bible Translators↩
7 Crompton, L. 2003, Homosexuality and Civilisation, Harvard University Press, London↩
9 Further reading/resources:
Taboo Topics 2 (the whole video's great but specifically skip to 10:07)
God and the Gay Christian: The Biblical Case in Support of Same-Sex Relationships by Matthew Vines↩10 Boy Erased: A Memoir by Garrard Conley
Born Perfect: The Facts about Conversion Therapy by NCRL, 2019↩
11 The Lies and Dangers of Efforts to Change Sexual Orientation or Gender Identity by Human Rights Campaign, 2019↩
12 Reiter, L. Clin Soc Work J (1989) 17: 138. https://doi.org/10.1007/BF00756141
Need More Proof Being Gay Isn't a Choice? Here it is! Huffpost, 2016↩
13 Medium↩
14 Patterson, C. J. (1992), Children of Lesbian and Gay Parents. Child Development, 63: 1025-1042. doi:10.1111/j.1467-8624.1992.tb01679.x↩
Goldberg, A. E. (2010). Division 44: Contemporary perspectives on lesbian, gay, and bisexual psychology. Lesbian and gay parents and their children: Research on the family life cycle. Washington, DC, US: American Psychological Associationhttp://dx.doi.org/10.1037/12055-000
(1986) Gay and Lesbian Parents, Journal of Homosexuality, 12:2, 101-113, DOI: 10.1300/J082v12n02_07
15 Global HIV and AIDS Statistics by Avert, 2019↩
Great post. I respect you for your self reflection and always trying to challenge what you think/believe. It's when people are stuck in their mindset without being able to question themselves or what they are told, is when we see the worst in humanity. Have an open mind people. It's love at the end of the day and you can never have enough of that good stuff :)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, I really appreciate your kind comment. I absolutely agree, we should always be open to questions, regardless if the end of our search brings us back to affirming our original belief or not. Love is love! <3
DeleteI do fully agree with you. I take issue with people who think they know so much that no one can tell them anything else. The only one who would know everything, well that would be God!!! As long as you still breathe there is always room to learn more. Even if you don't agree with what you are hearing it is always good to listen to other perspectives because it could lead to improvement on what you already THOUGHT you knew. And just because one is elderly does not mean that it is the end of learning for you. As long as you breathe there is ( let there always be) room to continue learning and growing!!! No matter what your age, always be open to learning even if it does not change your mind. It's good to know anyway!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much <3 I agree, no one is ever done learning and we should all be open to other points of view, even if we ultimately disagree in the end. It's all about learning and becoming a better person, right? "Even if you don't agree with what you are hearing it is always good to listen to other perspectives because it could lead to improvement on what you already THOUGHT you knew." YES YES YES! Thanks again for stopping by!
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