How to survive querying
I think the querying stage of writing is basically the stage where all hell slowly and painfully breaks loose while you're forced to sit, watch and wait. So me, being the kind and amazing person that I am who is basically just here to help everyone be awesome (I can just imagine everyone rolling their eyes in unison), have put together a guide for surviving the querying process. (FYI querying is when you write a book then send a letter to agents asking for them to represent you to publishing houses.)
How to Survive Querying
by Victoria Jackson
1) Wait patiently for replies to your queries.
2) Wait impatiently for replies to your queries.
3) Bang your head against the wall.
4) Try to work on another project.
5) Pretend you're working on another project.
6) Give up pretending to work on another project.
7) Check your emails for the 10th time in two minutes.
8) Receive your first reject for the project.
9) Convince yourself that it doesn't matter.
10) Search up all possible interviews/clips/previous movies/anything you can get your hands on relating to the new Spider-Man because he is awesome. (In case I haven't mentioned it yet.) (Another eye roll there from anyone who has met me in real life. (I'm sure they're all going JUST SHUT UP ABOUT SPIDER-MAN ALREADY, VICTORIA!))
11) Pace around the house.
12) Check your emails.
13) Go for a long walk.
14) Work on another project.
15) Watch a sad movie, even though it won't help.
16) Check your emails.
17) Ignore the two newest rejections because if you don't read them they can't hurt you.
18) Clean the house in a furious afternoon.
19) Write, then delete everything you've just written.
20) Decide to get a peg leg, eye patch and become a pirate instead of an author. (Because logic, right?)
21) Realize it takes money to buy a ship and you don't really want to lose your leg. (Darn it.)
22) Decide to ditch everything and go sky diving instead.
23) Avoid checking your emails.
24) Write a blog post or two.
25) Check your emails.
26) Cry tears of joy over the new Spider-Man.
27) Read something.
28) Refresh. Refresh. Refresh.
29) Repeat steps 1-28.
How do you survive the querying process?