Tuesday, 17 January 2017

Guest Post: Rants from Relatives

Why, hello there. I'm M. You may have heard of me - I'm the wonderfully talented and epically brilliant sister of the young lady running this website. Yes, it's me. I know you've been wanting me to write for some time now and you've been wondering, "hey, when is Victoria's sister going to write a post already? I mean, she's passed her Blogoversary and her sister remains in the shadows. Hurry up already." So, I thought I would privilege Miss Jackson with writing this guest post. And not just any guest post, but something I am passionate about, something I have experienced and suffered from for as long as I can remember, something that has put me in the vast minority of humans on this earth: left-handedness. Victoria asked me if I would write a guest post on this when I came to her and complained about how difficult it was to light my candles with our stupid biased lighter about six minutes ago. Now, I'm no author, but I can spit out a good rambly rant. 

The brother being silly.

You see, our lighter automatically locks when not in use to prevent fire hazards, so the logistics of operating it as a left-hander are much more complex than ever imagined by a right-hander. The creators of this lighter made the unlock button in an inaccessible place for people like me when holding it. I just wanted it to smell like Christmas in my room (yes, in January). Is that so much to ask? 

Let's move on. Computers. Arguably one of the most commonly used objects in modern-day society and they have made it exclusively for right-handers. So, naturally, lefties have evolved over time to become adapted to this because the only way to make them work is to clumsily use your right hand to manoeuvre the mouse around. Now, this has made it so I am not as good at games, clicking on things fast enough (Quizlet and Kahoot especially comes to mind) and just generally trying to do any mouse-related activity easily. I've found my skills lie in game consoles and arrow keys. 

Let's not get started on scissors. I can't use right or left handed ones. Never have been able to. I struggled through my entire schooling because of that. Nope, no, nah, nein. 

Mugs. Now, you probably didn't expect this one. Now, I have a Shrek and Batman mug (no judgments necessary) but every time I drink out of them, it looks like I'm drinking from their forehead because their faces are the wrong way around. Now this shouldn't bother people normally, but it just looks weird and after a lifetime of habit you can't just switch hands because (in terms of muscle) my right hand is more spaghetti-like whereas my left is more like a baguette. You know? Bet you don't. Bet you're right-handed. 

Basic everyday things like tying your shoelaces become difficult when your family can't teach you and you look like a moron because you're so confused. "What do you mean the bunny just goes through that bit? HOW??". I'll have to thank my cousin for helping me out with that one (she's a leftie herself), but still I had to teach myself the simplest things like how to braid hair. 



Sports are really irritating. Baseball - need a left-handed glove. Any sport with a stick - which way do you face? Which hand goes where? Should you just conform to the ways of the privileged or stick with your clique? Which foot first? Should I be standing different? Which way feels natural? HOW DO I WALK? You don't even know anymore. 

So, there was an inside look at the life of a leftie in the 21st century. You're welcome. Basically it's just one big first world problem and I have no reason to complain and if you did not already know or guess, sarcasm is my native tongue so all of this suffering was probably not as agonizingly painful as I made it seem... probably. It's not actually that bad. In fact, I would go as far to say that I actually enjoy being left handed, despite the few negatives that come with it. It makes you stand out, gives you something to spit out when you have to say one interesting thing about yourself as they go around the circle in an attempt to give you great anxiety. So there. My first and probably last guest post as I read over this... Alright. M out. 


Thanks for gracing us with your presence, M. And leave me a comment! Are you a leftie or a righty? Do your left-handed friends complain all the time or do they suffer in silence? 

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