Friday, 27 May 2016

How to survive querying

I think the querying stage of writing is basically the stage where all hell slowly and painfully breaks loose while you're forced to sit, watch and wait. So me, being the kind and amazing person that I am who is basically just here to help everyone be awesome (I can just imagine everyone rolling their eyes in unison), have put together a guide for surviving the querying process. (FYI querying is when you write a book then send a letter to agents asking for them to represent you to publishing houses.)


How to Survive Querying 
by Victoria Jackson

1) Wait patiently for replies to your queries.
2) Wait impatiently for replies to your queries.
3) Bang your head against the wall.
4) Try to work on another project.
5) Pretend you're working on another project.
6) Give up pretending to work on another project. 
7) Check your emails for the 10th time in two minutes. 
8) Receive your first reject for the project. 
9) Convince yourself that it doesn't matter. 
10) Search up all possible interviews/clips/previous movies/anything you can get your hands on relating to the new Spider-Man because he is awesome. (In case I haven't mentioned it yet.) (Another eye roll there from anyone who has met me in real life. (I'm sure they're all going JUST SHUT UP ABOUT SPIDER-MAN ALREADY, VICTORIA!))
11) Pace around the house.
12) Check your emails.
13) Go for a long walk.
14) Work on another project.
15) Watch a sad movie, even though it won't help. 
16) Check your emails.
17) Ignore the two newest rejections because if you don't read them they can't hurt you. 
18) Clean the house in a furious afternoon. 
19) Write, then delete everything you've just written. 
20) Decide to get a peg leg, eye patch and become a pirate instead of an author. (Because logic, right?)
21) Realize it takes money to buy a ship and you don't really want to lose your leg. (Darn it.) 
22) Decide to ditch everything and go sky diving instead.
23) Avoid checking your emails. 
24) Write a blog post or two. 
25) Check your emails. 
26) Cry tears of joy over the new Spider-Man.
27) Read something. 
28) Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. 
29) Repeat steps 1-28. 

How do you survive the querying process? 

10 comments:

  1. This just sounds...painful. It's good to hear that you're still keeping up the fight for getting published, though! Best of luck querying.

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    1. Yeah, pretty much. Thanks for the encouragement!

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  2. #20 sounds feasible. Once I have my dreads, right?!

    OK but seriously I hope you're OK! I know it's a cliche, but just remind yourself how many publishers rejected Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone ... !

    Which book are you querying, anyway?! And what other project are you working on? And who is the new Spiderman?! (I literally haven't heard!)

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    1. Dreadlocks = pirate. Obviously. We all know this.

      Oh, I'm doing fine, just needed a good rant in which I could mention Spider-Man and pirates. I do hate the querying process, though, because you basically have to ask a stranger for a job. Which I hate doing. *bangs face on keyboard* But I'll be fine. Thanks, though!

      At the moment, I'm querying "Zoe+Death, BFFs" and hopefully I'll be able to get to querying other projects soon, once I've finished editing them.

      Other projects? *pulls out clipboard, laminated palm cards, 25,000 word essay, opens up PowerPoint* I'm glad you asked. I have a) "The Creature of the Night" which basically sucks at the moment (even though it's like draft 9) but I have plans to completely gut it and do it properly, b) "Zoe+Death, BFFs" which, in my humble and totally non-biased opinion is awesome (basically the MC's BFF is Death), c) "Formulas" where a dragon rescues the prince from the princess (beta reading at the moment), d) "The Dimension Jumper" where she, you guessed it, can jump dimensions (Camp NaNo project, draft 1 1/2), e) "The School Captain" which is a contemporary about sisters and a school captain campaign and f) "Red Rubber Boots" which is draft 1 of basically me dealing with my experience with cancer. Are you sorry you asked yet?

      EMILY. IT'S TOM HOLLAND. (ALL HAIL!) BASICALLY HE'S THE BEST THING EVER. GO WATCH CIVIL WAR IMMEDIATELY.

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    2. KEEP US UPDATE WITH ZOE AND DEATH!

      You do indeed have a lot of projects! (Your supplies made me laugh.) From those one line summaries, Formulas appeals to me the most, because STEREOTYPE BUSTING FANTASY, YES PLEASE AND THANK YOU. I am not sorry I asked!

      WHO'S TOM HOLLAND!? (There's a British actor called Tom Hollander but he is definitely not Spiderman XD )

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    3. I WILL THANK YOU!

      *sighs* Yep, I don't understand the theory of working on only one project at a time. Why not work on six, I ask? *hysterical laughter* I'M SO GLAD YOU THINK FORMULAS IS COOL. I LOVE IT TOO. (I ALSO LOVE CAPS. CAPS ARE FUN.)

      Tom Holland is basically a nobody (or was, anyways, before Spider-Man). He was in "In the Heart of the Sea" with Chris Hemsworth like last year. He's a different dude to Tom Hollander, but he is British.

      Yeah, basically if I could pre-purchase tickets for the new Spider-Man movie next year today, I would. I'm one happy camper.

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  3. I've never queried, but I've heard it's a long and stressful wait. Good luck with your submissions!

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    1. Thanks for the encouragement, Heather!

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  4. You're sending your story out? Wow, that's scary! Well, good luck!

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